The Rant: Dear George Lucas, Please Stop.

Every month when I hear that long-awaited thud on the doormat as the latest issue of my favorite film magazine comes flying through the letterbox I tip-toe excitedly down the hall to see what news it brings me from the world of  film. And every month I let out a frustrated ARGHHH! as I see that yet again a large portion of said magazine is devoted to whatever Star Wars-related marketing ploy George Lucas has come up with. Nevermind, I can always go on the internet for some non-Star Wars related news. Wrong! Every site has a list of the 50 greatest Star Wars characters or on-set pictures you’ve never seen before. Ugh. Fine. I’ll watch some TV instead, I’ll be safe from it there. Hahaha, you fool! TV shows are riddled with Star Wars references and merchandise from all-out spoofs like Family Guy’s three mini-movies to more subtle things like Veronica Mars‘ coffee shop Java the Hut. Star Wars has entered our cultural lexicon, whether we like it or not.

Now before you start emailing me death threats, I want to make it clear that I have nothing against Star Wars. I totally realise that it was a revolutionary cinematic event when it came out (I am of course talking about the first trilogy here) and that it shaped a generation of filmgoers. But the last film in that trilogy came out 29 years ago, people! It’s time to get over it. Especially since, let’s face it, the films aren’t that good.  The dialogue is expositional and clunky, the plot has more holes than Lisbeth Salander’s face and the acting is… shaky. I fully appreciate the effect it had on young minds who had never seen an adventure like it in the late 70s’ – early 80′s, but I just cannot understand why we must continue to treat it as a masterpiece of film-making when it clearly isn’t. Can we not just agree to think of Star Wars as a nostalgic childhood film that we love and like to quote to our friends? Must we react to the two people in the world that haven’t seen it with gasps of horror like they’ve just admitted to a fondness for killing kittens? Why should I know that Tatooine has two suns, know to hate the Ewoks, recognise someone talking in a funny voice and broken sentences as doing a Yoda impression as opposed to having a stroke and why, oh why should I care who shot first, Greedo or Han?!

I DON’T!

All your money are belong to us.

But more than just airing my annoyance of our Star Wars-brainwashed popular culture, I also want to protest the continuing support that George Lucas receives in taking our hard-earned money. Of course Hollywood is a money-making machine, and yes, it is often accused of making the same film over and over again. But George Lucas is literally doing that! Every year fans have to shell out for more DVDs because Lucas has made some tiny technical changes, or re-mastered the sound, or converted it to 3-D. The man has practically made a career out of tinkering with the same six films. He has two franchises to his name (granted, that’s impressive) Star Wars and Indiana Jones, and seems determined to exploit them both until every last ounce of money has been squeezed from them.  Thankfully, Stephen Spielberg’s involvement in the Indiana Jones franchise seems to have hampered Lucas’ exploitation, although he did manage to anger fans with his biggest contribution to the last film (Indiana Jones vs. aliens!) But the Star Wars franchise has it all; animated TV series, video games, comics, novels, action figures, lunchboxes, the list goes on.  While movie merchandise is by now an accepted thing, especially for huge franchises, Lucas’ reign of greed has now been going on for 35 years! It’s time to grow up, people, and it’s time for George Lucas to come back to Earth. And maybe, if we ignore him, he’ll go away. One can only hope.

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